Whenever I move, I put on weight...when I moved to the States after graduating from high school, I indulged in All-American foods that came in super-sizes. Now that we've moved to England, I have been "discovering" the very peculiar British cuisine. They have amazing chocolates and such a huge variety of it, but also they are good at pastries. It seems that the British love savory and fatty food most of all, such as fries, sausages, chips, and fried fish. They eat as many sausage rolls as the Western Americans eat burritos and tacos. In fact, it usually serves as a substitute for sandwiches for lunch. I haven't tried these myself, but I have noticed that I eat fatter foods than ever before.

Working in the hotel restaurant doesn't help. Although we are not allowed to eat while working, the smells work my appetite so bad that as soon as I get home, I feel like eating a proper meal...after midnight. I work from 5 to 11 PM 5-6 days a week. During those hours, I am on my feet pretty much all the time, running from the door to the tables to sit the customers and give them the menus, then I am off to the bar to get their drinks, then to the kitchen to get their orders. In between all of this, we have to keep the place clean, relay the tables as soon as the customers have left, walk around to ask if everything is alright, and sometimes do the room service. It is very physical work...it seems harder than when I worked at McDonalds for a year and a half, although we have much more time to deliver our services.

The first week, my feet were killing me. I tried to wear heels, since I have to dress smart, but I soon gave up on that idea: I got severe blisters and had to keep working through the pain. My legs got really sore and it would hurt getting up the next day...I was literally crawling out of bed. Now, I have gotten used to it, but I am exhausted most of the day and feel ravenous after getting up in the morning and I sometimes eat 2 big bowls of cereal for breakfast and still feel hungry.

It took me awhile to get used to grocery shopping here as I didn't know what most of the products were. For example, I was looking for whole wheat bread and found out that here, they call it "wholemeal"...which doesn't make sense. Nutrition facts are displayed differently and I discovered that things that appear healthy usually are not...like the box of "quarter pounder" paddies that turned out to be mostly made of a mix of chicken fat (48%!)and onion...no wonder it was on sale!

I haven't dared buy a scale for fear of knowing how much I have actually gained. I feel that weight loss and weight control are the cause of much of my being so self-centered...If I think so much about what I can or cannot eat, when I should exercise and what type of exercise I should do, without mentioning the guilt felt when I indulge, then that leaves very little room for others. I hope that someday I can make peace with my body and fully enjoy food.